Ziay!

rebel

I really like this guy. The only thing is he is 18 and i am 16 my parents say that is not the reason they dont like him. So i talk to him and school and have a friend call him then me is this wrong to do. Should i tell them?

barbnefer

"Wrong" is a subjective term. It's not wrong to follow your feelings and date someone you care about if it's a healthy relationship. The thing I would be concerned about in your situation is the fact that you are concealing the relationship. Going behind their backs can damage their trust in you, and that may be where the biggest danger lies.

If you have a good relationship with your parents, I strongly urge you to talk to them about this. The fact that you asked this question shows you may be uncomfortable with concealing this from them. Getting it out in the open will eliminate the breech of trust and also allow them to share their specific concerns.

When you talk to them, be careful not to let emotion prevent you from having a productive discussion. Avoid accusations; focus on how you feel about the situation. Use "I" statements, not "You" statements. For example:

Don't say: "You never let me do anything! You're trying to destroy my happiness!" Say: "I care about my boyfriend. I have feelings for him, and I feel bad that you don't approve because your love and trust is important to me."

Good luck!

Dr. Barb Nefer, http://www.bnlifeskills.com